'Til We Reach That Day

My Aunties

My Aunt Jeannine came out to me while we were sunbathing together at a hotel pool while on a family reunion trip in Chicago. It was the first time I heard from her mouth how she survived her breakup from the woman I had known my entire life thus far as "Aunt Cathy," stories about her few years being single again, and about her new girlfriend, Rosalia.

That was 19-years ago, and my Aunties (as they are affectionately called) have been together ever since. I couldn't have been prouder to stand witness to their commitment ceremony in the mid-90's - it was a gorgeous October day in Phoenix, and these two remarkable women were united in front of an unbelievably supportive group of friends & family.

But what was not in attendance was a marriage license. And to this day, there is still no marriage license. How is it even possible? These women have been together longer than most heterosexual couples.

My Aunties stood up for Mr. Newman & I when we exchanged vows in 2000. They were in the delivery room when our daughter was born. With us when we bought our first house. And built our second one. They are Godmothers to our girl.

Lyla's First Christmas, 2004

Today and tomorrow, same-sex marriage will be brought before the Supreme Court in two cases: a constitutional challenge to California's Prop 8, and the federal Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA). My prayer, along with millions of others, is that the Court will deem that as a nation, moving forward, all are to be treated as equally as we are created. 

I look at the courage my Aunties have had over the course of their adult lives being openly gay. Their bravery paved the way for my generation. My friends were able to have the courage to come out earlier than the majority of the generation who preceded them.

I think about the tireless efforts of my friends at Marriage Equality New York, for example, who fought every minute of every day to get marriage equality passed here in New York, and once that extraordinary day happened in 2011, they moved on to other states throughout our nation and have seen further victory since. I am honored to have worked with them.

Performing the National Anthem, MENY Marriage March, 2010

Their efforts paved the way so that my best friend Amy could marry her now wife, Lauren - even though at that time in 2011, they had to cross the border from our great state of New York to Connecticut to become legally joined together.

Lyla's First Wedding, Marriage of Amy & Lauren, 2011

But then, in 2012, the third member of our trio, Andrew, could marry his now husband, Mark, right here in New York.

Marriage of Andrew & Mark, 2012

 

As I said on Twitter this morning, "Praying that all are heard, seen and respected as equals, marriage is for all, and equality is ruled as the truth of our land."

And until that day comes, I continue to stand as an advocate for equality. I count it as a privilege and an honor to fight for those who do not have the same rights as Mr. Newman & I do: our friends. Our family. Our brothers & sisters. Our country.

We will reach that day! 

xx JN

Spring Forward

Call it Daylight Savings Time, or the fact that open toed shoes are just around the corner, but if ever there was a time I find myself deep in thought over change and renewal, it's at the beginning of Spring.

As of late, I have come to realize that often times the people around us don't like it when the word (or the act of) change enters the equation. Quite possibly because for many, people equate change with a negative idea: abandonment, ridicule, moving on, leaving, isolation, frustration, etc.

When Spring is blooming in the air, though, change is seemingly viewed in a positive light: evolution, growth, blossoming, newness, freshness, wonderment ...

So how is it we are ready to run through the streets with joy when the buds appear on the trees, but when the people in our lives are changing, we want to assume the worst? And furthermore, even mock, ridicule, or even step away from them?

This has happened to me recently, albeit in subtle ways, with some people in my life. I am now at a point where I can step away from it and acknowledge that it isn't personal, but it can still be tricky to navigate. It's easy to fall back in to old tape with people who have known us the longest. And it's equally easy to respond by pointing the finger out of frustration.

What if - when those moments happen - when those we love are trying to keep us in the same place - we actually respond differently?

For me, it has been a huge impetus for changes in dynamics over the course of the last year. I remember rattling on about how frustrated I was over a certain situation with a recurring pattern of behavior - and how "no matter what I do, it just always comes down to the same reaction."

That was when the question was posed back to me, "Well, how would they respond if you didn't respond the way you always have? What would that look like?"

Giving a situation or a relationship a new response comes from a place of love and respect - not only for the other side, but for ourselves. If you're feeling like you're stuck in a pattern and not sure what to do next, stop for a moment and think about how you can react or respond in a new, fresh way. In as much as we are sometimes able to "predict" what someone else is going to do or say, the same goes in reverse. I will admit it may not always be easy - and yes, the unknown of what the new reaction or response may feel scary - but it's worth it.

We have to allow those around us to rise to the occasion and exceed our expectations. When we do not, we are literally stopping the hopes of any evolution within the relationship - quite possibly because at the root of it, we are equally afraid of losing control of the reaction (remember, most people find change as a negative). Expecting perfection is one thing - I'm talking about an expectation that when we enter a situation with the best of intentions - and respond accordingly - the dynamics can change.

It's a lovely, wonderful surprise to see any relationship evolve past the status quo. In fact, dare I say, it is powerful beyond measure. Yes, it is quite possible for someone else to "get it" before we do! If that weren't the case, what's the point of learning from each other? Aren't we all striving to learn the same fundamental life lessons? But as I tell my 8-1/2 year old every day when she's frustrated at her division problems, we all learn things on a different time table.

When you look back over the course of your life thus far, what has spoken to you more: people who have supported you through the process of change, or people who have judged you?

Which person are you going to be?

xx JN

Go for the Gold

Although I may have a silver streak running through my hair, I am a huge fan of all things gold. I am completely smitten with these gorgeous pieces from Julie Vos, and can promise you for as much as these pieces make a statement, they are as versatile as they come!

As we officially start a new season today, I am feeling now more than ever: go gold, or go home!

Make sure to follow all things Julie Vos on Twitter, Facebook & Instagram.

xx JN

Images 1-2: Aphrodite Necklace  / Penelope Earrings / Rialto Stack Ring

Images 3-5: Capri Bracelet / Antoinette Earrings
c/o Julie Vos 

P.S. Remember some of my other Julie Vos faves?

Clockwise from left: Miss Maxi  / At the Cafe  / Prelude to Fall / Farewell to Summer

Scent Memory

Nana's signature fragrance: Aviance

My Nana had a signature fragrance. When she passed away in December, there was a moment where my two cousins and I huddled in her bedroom smelling her perfume bottle. The scent was so specific that I will be able to identify it as Nana's fragrance for the rest of my life.

Lyla has the same feeling about my Mom, who has worn Estee Lauder's Knowing since I was in high school. If Lyla smells it she'll immediately say, "That smells just like Grandma!"

As for me, I have changed fragrances over the years, to the point where I can recount my teens forward based on fragrance chapters. In high school it was Estee Lauder's Beautiful, then Givenchy's Ysastis. Throughout college, I embraced Estee Lauder's Pleasures. On my wedding day, I started wearing philosophy's amazing grace, and did so for years.

But then my thirties came, and I was introduced to Jo Malone. I quickly became obsessed with her (now retired) fragrance, Vintage Gardenia. However, my early thirties were fraught with significant challenges and subsequent triumphs, to the point where over the course of the last year I have been searching for a new fragrance. I decided it was time to punctuate the second-half of my thirties (well, more like last quarter) with something new. Should it be another Jo Malone fragrance? Chanel? Bond No. 9? Tom Ford? Dior? I've sampled them all - but none of them felt quite right.

Stylist Amy & I were shopping together the other night, and both stopped dead in our tracks at an in-store display of Atelier Cologne. I almost fell to my knees after one mere spray of their Rose Anonyme and Vétiver Fatal. After my experience with Jo Malone, I became a firm believer in the idea of layering fragrances - so much so that I couldn't decide between the two, so home they both came!

What will Rose Anonyme say about the end of my thirties? Atelier says,

"Rose Anonyme, a breathtaking seductress caught in a stolen affair between light and dark, Turkish Rose Absolute sparkles and intrigues beneath notes of spicy Ginger, enwrapped in sultry veil of Velvet Oud, Indonesian Patchouli, mystic Papyrus and Somalian Incense."

Umm ... yes, please!

Make sure to share your favorite #scentmemory with me on Twitter & Instagram!

xx JN

P.S. Mr. Newman has already stolen and claimed the Vétiver Fatal.

Birchbox

I must have been all of 18-years old, a sophomore at Arizona State, and was told by one of my girlfriends that Neiman Marcus was the destination for beauty products. I remember that first experience so vividly: the legendary customer service, the products, the samples!

Because I really am that "try before you buy" gal when it comes to anything beauty, I appreciate a good sample. Yes, samples have converted me on multiple occasions to purchase its full-size product. So this week, I decided to take the plunge and become a Birchbox member.

For a flat $10 a month, a box of 4-6, hand-picked, generous sized samples from high-end beauty, grooming and lifestyle brands will come right to my door. Once I have tried the product and wish to purchase, Birchbox makes it as simple as pie for me to order online! Not only that, but there are several ways to earn Birchbox points, redeemable for all sorts of other goodies. Yes, please!

It all starts by requesting your very own invitation. Simply visit Birchbox now, and think about how much fun it will be to compare notes on what we receive!

And don't worry gents, there's a Birchbox just for you as well.

xx JN