'Til We Reach That Day

My Aunties

My Aunt Jeannine came out to me while we were sunbathing together at a hotel pool while on a family reunion trip in Chicago. It was the first time I heard from her mouth how she survived her breakup from the woman I had known my entire life thus far as "Aunt Cathy," stories about her few years being single again, and about her new girlfriend, Rosalia.

That was 19-years ago, and my Aunties (as they are affectionately called) have been together ever since. I couldn't have been prouder to stand witness to their commitment ceremony in the mid-90's - it was a gorgeous October day in Phoenix, and these two remarkable women were united in front of an unbelievably supportive group of friends & family.

But what was not in attendance was a marriage license. And to this day, there is still no marriage license. How is it even possible? These women have been together longer than most heterosexual couples.

My Aunties stood up for Mr. Newman & I when we exchanged vows in 2000. They were in the delivery room when our daughter was born. With us when we bought our first house. And built our second one. They are Godmothers to our girl.

Lyla's First Christmas, 2004

Today and tomorrow, same-sex marriage will be brought before the Supreme Court in two cases: a constitutional challenge to California's Prop 8, and the federal Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA). My prayer, along with millions of others, is that the Court will deem that as a nation, moving forward, all are to be treated as equally as we are created. 

I look at the courage my Aunties have had over the course of their adult lives being openly gay. Their bravery paved the way for my generation. My friends were able to have the courage to come out earlier than the majority of the generation who preceded them.

I think about the tireless efforts of my friends at Marriage Equality New York, for example, who fought every minute of every day to get marriage equality passed here in New York, and once that extraordinary day happened in 2011, they moved on to other states throughout our nation and have seen further victory since. I am honored to have worked with them.

Performing the National Anthem, MENY Marriage March, 2010

Their efforts paved the way so that my best friend Amy could marry her now wife, Lauren - even though at that time in 2011, they had to cross the border from our great state of New York to Connecticut to become legally joined together.

Lyla's First Wedding, Marriage of Amy & Lauren, 2011

But then, in 2012, the third member of our trio, Andrew, could marry his now husband, Mark, right here in New York.

Marriage of Andrew & Mark, 2012

 

As I said on Twitter this morning, "Praying that all are heard, seen and respected as equals, marriage is for all, and equality is ruled as the truth of our land."

And until that day comes, I continue to stand as an advocate for equality. I count it as a privilege and an honor to fight for those who do not have the same rights as Mr. Newman & I do: our friends. Our family. Our brothers & sisters. Our country.

We will reach that day! 

xx JN

My Response to Amendment One

Our daughter loves weddings: the attire, the formality, the exchanging of vows, the magic ... the love.

She just received her second wedding invitation for this coming August, and is already planning her wardrobe, her dance moves, the logistics. Trust me when I say, our girl holds weddings in the highest esteem.

The first wedding she attended was a gay wedding.

And so will her second.

Yesterday, certain citizens of North Carolina showed the nation that what is "popular" is to legislate against those who are different in a hateful, destructive way. It directly effects two of my friends who live in the state. And I'm deeply saddened and outraged for them.

I also cannot help but think of the children of North Carolina - the children who have just heard that the only "right" way to be committed is "boy + girl." That's not the "majority," my friends. So how will Amendment One change their lives?

What does it say to the bigoted bullies - both young and old? Does it not send the message, "It's okay to hate because the law is behind my thoughts and actions?"

And what about the adults who have lived in silence - who thought, "If this Amendment doesn't pass, I will finally feel like I can tell the truth about who I am." What are they thinking this morning?

For those who voted in favor of the Amendment - especially those who cited religious reasons as the foundation for your choice - I ask you: why?

If you ascribe to the notion that not only is God love, but also that we are created in the likeness of God, does that not mean everyone? Not just you. Not just those at your church. Not just those who think and believe just as you do. But everyone.

Did you take a moment to consider that if there was a war in this country trying to take away your religious rights - your freedoms - the faith that you hold as the very truth of your soul - how that would make you feel? Your choices at the polls yesterday waged a war against the truth, rights and freedoms of those different than you. Sorry, but if that is "popular," then count me an outcast.

To my friends and family who are proud members of the LGBT community, I am your ally. I believe in you. I honor your personal truth. When given the chance, my vote is in your favor. Not just at the polls, but in every fiber of my being.

Prop 8 was overturned. Amendment One will be next. Just remember, you're not alone. You have the attention of the entire globe, and millions of us are outraged on your behalf. Do not accept this as a means of being marginalized. We know this is not the end answer. And we also know that you are asking to love and be loved with the equal rights you deserve. It may take more time, but together, we shall overcome.

xx JN

Join the movement:
Freedom to Marry
Human Rights Campaign
Marriage Equality USA
National Gay and Lesbian Task Force