About 18-months ago, I took an unintentional hiatus from writing Delightfully Dishy. Life was busy, and I was in the process of taking both inventory and a hard look at where I was in my life -- and where I wanted to go.
Since then, I left my career in Corporate America to go out on my own in business. We made the decision to relocate back to Arizona after nearly 8-years of living in Brooklyn, I turned forty, and in the last few months, I finally took the leap and ventured into real estate -- something I wanted to do for nearly 20-years.
There was a point about 9-months ago, when it was as though my mind had come to the end of a very long road lined with millions of questions. I was done. I went into the silence. And for those who know me well, that is not a place I have always enjoyed. It was eerily quiet, and I found myself spending hours in it. I sincerely didn't know what the next step in my journey was, but more importantly, I had the confidence to say that. I explored the idea of being a housewife and stay-at-home mom. I explored returning to the safety and comfort of Corporate America. I considered it all, frankly ... and what kept coming up for me was, "Just be still. In time, you will know."
It's true. Over time, I knew.
Sometimes we spend so much of our lives going to the complete opposite end of where we started. Goodness knows I sure have! When I sat in those endless hours of contemplation and prayer, it became clear that what I have always wanted was not far from where I started. Yet somehow, my personality needed to explore all options in the meantime, perhaps as a way of proving a point to myself and to others that I had "thought it all through."
I knew when I felt zero need to explain it or justify it, that I had evolved into my next chapter. And, yes, it really was that simple. For all of the tears, questions, and unsettledness that had to be worked through in the process, when I kept true to not needing to have all the answers, I kept putting one foot in front of the other. And step by step, day by day, it became clear.
Had I stopped and waited until I had everything "figured out," I'd still be waiting. It's a trap, friends. We have to move, live, walk, journey -- sitting and waiting is how decades go by with our lives feeling unfulfilled. The flow of the journey brings us life. When in doubt, live. Questions are important, don't get me wrong, but waiting for something or someone before making a choice to live is a slippery slope. I can't help but quote Rilke - a quote that has been one of those golden nuggets of wisdom, especially in these last several months:
"I beg you ... to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them, and the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even knowing it, live your way into the answer ..." - Rainer Maria RilkeLet us live our way unapologetically. The answers will - and do - come.